Proust in Love: The strange relationships in In Search of Lost Time

I'm sure books have been written on this topic, but let me note the strange nature of love in Proust's In Search of Lost Time. Aside from his sincere and affecting love for his mother and his grandmother, Marcel's love for girls or women of his own age seems to me alien and unrecognizable. Of course all modern readers recognize that Marcel, as in MP, didn't actually love women and girls, he was, using the term he prefers, and "invert," and though much of the novel looks upon the other "inverts in French society with a mixture of horror and disgust, clearly what Proust is afraid to look at the only thing he's afraid to look at - is his own sexuality: in this and only thins he's a victim of the conventions of his time. So instead he creates for his narrator, Marcel, the life-dominating relationship w/ Albertine. this is a relationship completely dominated by violent bouts of jealousy - Marcel cannot be away from Albertine for an hour w/out being tormented by jealousy, often imagining that she is with another woman. In vol 4, Sodom and Gomorrah, the novel comes closer than in any other section (I think) to a truly romantic idyll and interlude - as Marcel hires a car to take him and Albertine to various scenic spots on the Norman coast where she can dabble in drawing and painting - and then at night they often go to a beach and lie together under a blanket and kiss (there are hints that Marcel has had sex with prostitutes, but he relationship w/ A up to this point appears to be chaste) - and M suggests that he has never been so happy. But it does not truly seem as if he's happy: he's always concerned about her faithfulness and obsessed with worry. Will she want to go out w/ him again tomorrow? We never see them talking, joking, enjoying one another's company. He never seems to be overcome by feelings for her, never seems to walk on air as people do in the first stages of love - she never makes him feel better about himself, their relationship is always fraught w/ uncertainty. There's also always the sense that they are separated by class, altho M does not dwell on this point. I hate to belabor the Proust v Knausgaard theme, but here's another area in which they differ: Every readers, at least every male reader, can easily identify w/ and recognize as accurate KOK's accounts of his first awkward adolescent loves. Marel's love, on the other hand, seems consistently abstract and exotic, a defense against love rather than a surrender to its power.